Over The Hill Health Matters

Do you know what is even worse than realising that you have to negotiate eight lane changes in a cube van without a functioning side mirror?

What is worse is looking over at the reflection of your scared but always charming self and realising how FAT you are in those big truck side mirrors. Not only are you totally f**ked because your mirror has folded in, you are fat!

People have actually jumped back a foot or two when I have flashed my smiley grin in their direction. They have laughed and said it was like a bolt of happy sunshine coming at them. I almost drove into the meridian when I saw how fat I was. No bolts of happy sunshine here!

I was so distraught at the realisation of exactly how fat I was that once I had made breakfast for the crew of 125 people — I mean, 150 people, yes…, I ate it.

Actually I didn’t. I truly have a slow metabolism. Everyone thinks that I eat a lot when they see me, but when they have actually worked with me for 20 hours every day, they realise that I am not lying. “You hardly ever eat, and when you do, it isn’t very much!” they say. And it is true.

I eat more substantially on my day and a half off on the weekends however. When I get up after my 15 hours of recuperative sleep, “refreshed” for the week ahead, I cook a healthy, balanced meal full of brown rice and sauteed veggies and cashews and ginger and onions and garlic and hot sauce for myself and my family. They haven’t seen me all week and miss me, or at least they miss my cooking. That skill(et) is part of me, right?

So! Am I ever glad that I found this weight-loss program/diet on the internet!

FAT LOSS FOR IDIOTS.

It rewires you so that your body burns fat instead of storing it for World War III. Besides, the way things are going, we don’t need to store fat for WW III. If it ever happens, it will only be a split second long. And I want to look my best i.e. NOT FAT!

It is one of the top-selling weight-loss programs on the internet, and I invite you to try it along with me. It is extremely affordable and comes with an iron-clad 60-day money-back guarantee. I believe it is the only one that does. Correct me if I am wrong. It is definitely worth a try. If I don’t lose weight, at least I don’t lose my money either!

I believe the Fat Loss 4 Idiots weight loss program will work. I’ll let you know how it goes, but please do not wait for me! Try it for yourself and give me your much-needed feedback.

If it works for everyone, despite body-type or metabolism, and it has a 60-day, 100 per cent money back guarantee, then it is the best thing since a loaf of sliced bread, toasted, with lots of butter and marmalade and…

Okay! You caught me. So I like bread. Big deal. Why should that be a crime? What animal died in the making of bread? Okay, so chickens are incarcerated for their eggs. I’ll switch to egg substitute.  I’ll use good old bicarbonate of soda and whatever for all of my baking in future.

And can I bake! You’ll end up fat just looking at my baking if you don’t try this weight loss program. I know I do, since I really don’t eat these most delectable goods. I cave in for salsa and guacamole. Yummmm! And don’t forget Corona with lime and the odd veggie burger…

Pat.

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