When I first read that the Canadian company Upaya Naturals provided online customers with raw food delights, I wondered what kind of idiot can’t just buy a raw carrot from the local food store and eat it.  Even if you are a shut-in, local stores deliver, so where is the market for Upaya Naturals?

Silly me. Upaya Naturals provides online shoppers with hard to find, all natural, vegan cheeses and ice creams that actually taste good while providing lots of nutrients.They arrive on ice to your very doorstep, where you can be waiting, crackers in hand, or spoon in fist, in eager anticipation of the yummy, delectable treats that are being delivered to your home. 

Cashew-based Ice Cream. It tastes like dairy ice cream, without the guilt.

If you find the wait too exciting, be sure to order aromatherapy essential oils that calm the nerves, and smell divine.

Get all of your favourite blender recipes at the ready also. Upaya Naturals carriesVitamix and Blendtec blenders, the cadillac of blenders/juicers on the market today. You can prepare bread mixtures, and soups, as well as smoothies and ice creams, without having to fiddle with numerous attachments. Push a button and you are off to the races.

The Vitamix Deluxe 5200 is touted as the best blender on the market, but the following videos offer conflicting evidence in this regard. You can also buy Vitamix at your friendly neighbourhood Costco store, if interested. You can save yourself the shipping fees that way, as they are presently on sale, and therefore cost the same as ordering from the company online. Ask for a demo before you buy.

The Vitamix Blendtec Kitchen Aid Challenge. You decide. The facts in these two videos conflict. Kitchen Aid is far less expensive and appears to do the trick.

The Vitamix Blendtec Challenge. 

 Why pay for Blendtec or for Vitamix if Kitchen Aid is just as efficient, if not moreso?  And it’s half the price at $199.00 How do they all fare with breadmaking? We want more tests please, before we take a Vitamix home!

Upaya Naturals also carries Superfoods, Greens etc. that are vegan-friendly. Power up so that you will have th strength inyour arms to lift that spoonful of healthy cashew-based ice cream to your lips, over and over again. After all, you have many delectable flavours to try. You need muscle mass.

So please, do yourself a favour and check out Upaya Naturals’ website.

I can hardly wait to try the cashew-based ice creams. I have never tried them before, but everyone says that they are great. I know that there are some almond and soy-based ice creams that are out there these days that are absolutely delicious. I wonder if the cashew-based ice creams give them a run for their money?

And don’t forget to brush your teeth! Yep. Upaya Naturals carries healthy,  flouride-free tooth cleansers also. And skincare products. And the kitchen sink. Okay, everything but.

Speaking of the kitchen sink. Upaya Naturals carries one of, if not the best, water filtration systems on the market today: Wellness Kitchen S-III Filtration. This countertop water filtration system can also be easily mounted under the sink with the purchase of an adapter kit. What is most wonderful about this Wellness filtration system is that trace mineral that we need for our health are added back to the water supply after filteration has occurred. If you are concerned about pharmaceuticals, heavy metals and fecal matter making it into your drinking and bathing water, this filtration system will give you the quality of water and the peace of mind you need.

Unless, of course, you enjoy all those pharmaceuticals in your water!

Perhaps we could just bottle it and sell it ourselves to those chronics residing in families that have purchased water filters.

Hmmm.

Just an evil, entrepreneurial thought.

Pat.

A strong back. Excellent posture. Good bone and muscle density. Strong, healthy joints. How to maintain this state of affairs as time and traumas march on. That is the key.

Exercise of a reasonable nature obviously factors into the equation. Reasonable, of course, depends upon what traumas you have indeed experienced to various parts of your anatomy. Diet, also, is an obvious consideration. Muscle building proteins and anti-oxidant rich, vitamin-packed foods and/or supplements, all can contribute to the maintenance and repair of the human body at any stage in the game. Adequate rest and stress management are also essential to good health, as we all know.

I cannot begin to tell you how much assistance my family, friends and I have personally experienced  over the last twenty years, from magnetic insoles and magnetic mats. And that is no bull.
Magnetic fields can have anti-inflammatory properties. Asthma and muscle and joint pain all lessen in their severity with magnetic therapy. Colds heal faster. So do ‘flus. I am not going to try to convince you. Try magnetic insoles and a magnetic sleeping mat for yourself. You will be amazed at their effectiveness.

I personally do not sleep on a magnetic mat or wear magnetic insoles all of the time. Some people swear that magnetic insoles and mats can be utilized all of the time, and the body does not get “immune” to them, but I am not willing to find out if that is true or not, since they work so well when I need to use them sporadically when my immune system feels compromised, or when I need my joints and spinal muscles to be amazingly strong for periods of heavy lifting and carrying demanded by my workplace.

Magnetic fields can assist in detoxification, so if you are sleeping on a magnetic mat, it is wise to drink extra water, as magnetic fields may also have a dehydrating effect as they compell the body to get rid of any toxic build-up it may have. Many people find that they sleep like a baby on the magnetic mats. At other times, attempting to sleep on the mat is almost impossible, as one is charged with excess energy. That is when one no longer needs to sleep on the mat. Whatever was making you sluggish has been resolved, and you can put the mat away until you need it again.

Generalising from my personal experience and that of many people that I know, magnetic fields help sprains heal faster, and if applied prior to the stress, they can actually prevent sprains and strains from ocurring in the first place. Hence the usefulness of the magnetic insoles.

Magnetic insoles are like wearing an extra kidney belt or knee or wrist brace, in my extensive personal experience with these products. And you truly can jump higher and throw further with these inserts on than without them. When you go to lift up a heavy box, your back remains straight as a board, and your knees never waiver. The sensation in incredible. And a lifesaver. Try arm wrestling while wearing insoles, and then without. A huge difference.
Unless you have a pacemaker, I highly recommend that you give magnetic insoles a try. And the magnetic mat. Nikken makes both. Magnetico makes an amazing mat. Magnetico’s sleeping pad is designed to be safe to sleep on all of the time, whereas it is not recommended to use Nikken’s mats fulltime, as sleeping on them for more than two weeks can undo any of the good they have performed due to the nature of their design.

Check the literature out on both of these magnetic mats for yourself. Check with you alternative health practitioner and your doctor for their advice on the use of magnetic mats and insoles for your personal situation.

Magnetics have been a godsend for my family. They might prove to be just that for your’s also. Magnetico mats can be found at:  http://www.magneticosleep.com. 

Best wishes, Pat.

Scraping

Squirming

Slithering

Sliding

Over the rock

Under the log

Through the ooze of the bog.

Creeping along through tall grass

Until the moon reveals a vast pool

A mass of lily pads

And

Frogs!

Frogsss.

Frogsssss.

(Heh heh heh.)

 Massassauga Rattlesnake — bite snake, bites snake

Just north of where I live resides the only poisonous snake in Ontario, the Massassauga Rattler. It loves to sun itself on shoreline- and not-so-shoreline rocks, along the Great Lakes. It doesn’t like to be stepped on and usually rattles the tail that the demon god gave it, rather than having to bite your ass and risk being beaten to death for its troubles in true B.C. fashion.

You do remember the B.C. comic strip, don’t you? The one where the somewhat homely cave woman goes around beating her constant companion Snake to a pulp?

Of course you do. You are as old as a cave man yourself. But cute, of course.

If you are ever up our way, please note that at the height of the Massassauga Rattler sunning season — (there are no signs posted, so don’t bother looking. The time of year would be spring, summer and fall) — there is an anti-venom plant that grows profusely in the same general vicinity as the rattler resides. It is nice that Nature provides such an emergency kit, if we only knew what to look for.

“Not to worry”, you might say to yourself. “The local nursing station will be fully equipped with an anti-venom made from the snake’s venom itself. Just like everywhere else on the planet that has deadly poisonous snakes.” Why, not so Derango. Ontario has run out of snake antivenin, which, by the way is the correct term for anti-venom. A fine point that I am sure you can verify to your own satisfaction once you are safely out of the woods, and the Massassauga Rattler has been pried off your a… nkle.

I think they die like bumble bees once they have stung you.

Kidding.

They live forever actually, and like to hover over their dying victim’s face and laugh that nasty laugh of their’s to that very funky beat that they themselves mark with their samba ratttles.

Queen Anne’s Lace is thought to be useful as an antivenin. (Cringe.)

What is so wrong with using the term anti-venom? Just because the scientist who invented the stuff had a Barcelonan lithp doesn’t mean the whole world has to make him feel better and make-up stupid words when it already has perfectly good vernacular ones, does it?

Oh yes, back to the point. After all, you are dying and you have managed to Google my website in search of this post just in time to save your sorry ass. No-one else’s vast sea of knowledge would do.

Charlotte Erichsen Brown has written an amazing book entitled The Use of Plants for the Past 500 Years. Amazon.com carries it. I have lost my copy, so I cannot point you to the page where she states the name of another local plant that the indigenous people of Georgian Bay used to use for rattlesnake bite. And very effectively, I might add. Apparently, they used to get  drunk  with the first white travelers in their region and challenge them to purposely get bitten by the local rattler that happened to be partying alongside them, providing that excellent rattling rhythm. They would entice the snake to bite them first, and then proffer a fresh snake to double dog dare their white companions to allow the snake to bite them also.

Unbeknownst to the drunken white fellows, their indigenous hosts had grabbed the local antivenin plant and applied it to their bodies. How they did this will remain a mystery, until I can find someone to expound upon Ms. Erichsen Brown’s report, since she does not go into the details of its application.

What a waste of time that was.

What is the point of finding an antivenin if you don’t tell anyone how to use it?

I will try to find out this important bit of information, since some idiot is actually crying because the Massassauga Rattler is facing extinction. We must, apparently, save it. We, with no antivenin in the entire province of Ontario.

I’ll get right on that crusade momentarily.

Not.

We don’t like human murderers, why should we protect animal ones?

Oh yes! That’s right; they keep the frog population down. Otherwise, the streets would be full of frogs, dancing and cavorting, maiming cows, biting old ladies.

Silly me. I forgot.

Frog.

– bite snake, bites snake– traffic generating phrase

Frogs already do roam the streets actually. Male frogs from one pond, when faced with eviler male frogs from said pond, leave under the cover of nightfall like the cowards they are and try to get to a new pond and assert themselves as the bullies there. And so on and so on. The mass exodus of beta-male frogs begins. We help out natural selection by running over them with our cars and pick-up trucks because we have nothing else to do on a Saturday night.

Okay; it’s by total accident, alright?!

With fifty bajilliion frogs suddenly in your headlights, what are you going to do? And these frog crossings go on for miles in marsh country. If you swerve to hit, I mean, miss one group, you only get back on the road just in time to hit another.

Where are those snakes godammit!

Bite snake, bites snake. (keyword, traffic-driving phrases. Sorry.)

And I want a rattle.

Preferably rainbow-coloured.

And a pony.

Pat.

Emily Isaacson, a certified naturopath from the Xa:ytem First Nation of British Columbia, has designed The Rainbow Program. Six small meals a day as opposed to the more usual three square (plus elevenses for we Hobbits).

And Rainbow is not just a cute name. Rainbow refers to the fact that if you select one serving from each of the food colour groups each day, you will be providing your body with a completely balanced intake of vitamins, minerals and other nutrients such as antioxidants, in the correct amounts to boost your metabolism, slim down, and stay energized and become mentally sharp.

If you choose a starch from one of the colour groups, for example, you would balance that out with a choice of a protein from another colour group, and a fat from yet another group. Each of the six small meals must cover one of the colour groups not included in the other meals. Fruits are taken away from other foods in order to aid in effective, non-overtaxed digestion.

Apparently, this colour-coded culinary approach works like a charm.

Eat losing weight. (Necessary keyword phrase for the search engines, folks. Gotta do it.)

Please check out Ms. Isaacson’s successful, delightful, and extremely colourful nutritional program at the following URL: http://www.therainbowprogram.com/. Eat losing weight. (Keyword phrase necessary for traffic. My apologies.)

Also check out the Xaytem Healing Program and Xaytem Longhouses. Perhaps you will find this path to health is just for you!

Just think of the fun we could have with colour-blind people.

Yes.

I mean, no.

Pass me a carrot.

And some avocado.

And some nachos?

Fine. No nachos.

Chips? No chips.

cheeburger, pepsi, coke, no pepsi

I miss you John Belushi.

But I don’t feel like joining you anytime soon, so I’ll try the Rainbow diet.

And oh yeah; eat losing weight.

Bad grammar brings big traffic. New online mantra. It’s the only way I’ll get used to the use of keyword inserts.

Pat.

Well everyone, I bought orange blossom essence toner astringent, like the aromatherapist suggested. I tried it in order to combat my twelve-lane highway panic attacks that have plagued me over the last two years. To no avail, I’m afraid, except for the first moment that I sprayed some on my face and wrists in the car.

Fora brief second, I did feel calm, safe, and secure. Wrapped in the sweet floral scent of someone’s mom from the 1920’s.  Then that fleeting moment vanished and all hell broke loose.

Next time, I will apply the spray before I get on the highway, and keep my hands safely on the wheel.

Just kidding.

Essence of orange blossom can make one feel as safe as a little kid wrapped in the love of a mother. But the spell doesn’t last long for some of us, and we are back to panic central.

Orange blosson essence, is however, an amazing toner astringent for the skin, including the face and neck. In fact, I would go far as to say it has given me amazing results, without the presence of snail excretions, like some other products very popular, and effective, on the market today.

Snail excretions.

Who even thought to go there?

Some Chilean drug addict with nothing better to do than rub snails all over his face? Or, better yet, he was “sleeping” in a virtual coma and the snails camped out fora week on his face? And when he woke up and staggered into town, the villagers noticed that under all those snails, still stuck to his visage,  he looked half his age!

Soon everyone was running around with snails on their faces, much like the ladies of the 1960’s used to go out shopping with their hair in large curlers before a night out on the town.

That always killed me. The 1960’s ladies would meet the same people in town during the day looking absolutely frightful with their hair in gargantuan curlers, covered with see-through scarves, wearing three-quarter peddle pushers or tights and nondescript sleeveless tops and pointy-toed flat cotton running shoes, horn-rimmed sunglasses and garish make-up. Then they would show up at a party that same night, all dolled up.

Meeting the same people that they had seen all day.

Who could honestly forget what they had looked like all day before the party?

That image would be burned into my brain cells sadly for all eternity.

Okay, their husbands. They hadn’t seen them at all since after breakfast, and thus were spared.

And now, the Chilean snail people. Snails hanging off their faces by day. Smooth skin like a baby’s bottom by night.

I like that one. That’s the story and I’m sticking to it.

Although I did not buy orange blossom essence with this toner astringent use in mind, it is the more mainstream use for orange blossom essence, and it is great!

I wish that I had taken before and after shots to show you the marked difference it has made to my skin. My skin is softer, with smaller-looking pores on my nose, where they were noticeably larger than the rest of my face. They were never garish, but now they are almost invisible by comparison. My skin is tighter on both my face and neck, and there are no known nasty side-effects .

I love it.

Orange blossom essence toner astringent.

Pick some up at Herbal Remedies.com, your friendly internet neighbourhood store.

Please let me know how it works for you!

Pat.

Being exhibit and display techies, we therefore get to preview and post-view a myriad of trade shows, health shows, craft fairs etc. It’s wonderful and extremely informative. And free!

I like free.

Free is good.

Last night we were installing the aisle carpets for a snowmobile and ATV and motorcycle show at the International Centre in Mississauga, a giant city west of Toronto. All the booths were laden with outdoor sports equipment and paraphernalia, except for one lonely booth dedicated to aromatherapy products.

How did she sneak in there? It is not like one can go to an alternative health show and start peddling motorcycles.

Or can one? Hmmm.

Anyway, there she was, the aromatherapy lady, in a sea of testosterone-driven man-products.

The only one.

No competition.

Unique at the trade show.

Her booth smelling divine.

The sneaky bitch. I mean, the sly and wily entrepreneur.

No matter who you are, sex sells and so do smells.

Must sniff the many bottles. Must touch.

And what is this? These scents can actually help you heal? Psha.

Marjoram helps alleviate bronchial congestion, as does eucalyptus oil and peppermint. You have your choice about smelling like a turkey dinner, a treat for koala bears, or a candy cane. As long as it works, choose your preference.

Rose essence is an aphrodisiac?!  What man could resist buying this for his beloved on the off-chance that this claim might be true? Especially when the bottle doesn’t mention a thing about this positive potential. Throw away the card attached to the product, and who’s the wiser? No-one needs to know the machiavellian motivation behind this little gift from the outdoor sports show. Thinking:  “Vroom vroom. Rev your engines mama.”  And saying:  “I’ve brought you this delicate floral essence for your bath water. How thoughtful of me! Thinking only of you, my love.” Kissy, kissy.

But what about me? What about my needs? (Care for a little whine with your supper, Pat?)

And there it was, dead centre of the display. A possible answer to my recent onslaught of driving-related panic attacks:

Orange blossom essence. It is reputed to alleviate panic attacks.
And insomnia. And a few other things.

I wants it.
I needs it.
I’ve gots to haves it.

And lo and behold, Herbal Remedies.com carries it! For $12.95. Just go to their site and search for “orange blossom”. It pops up about half-way down the page. I’m ordering some as soon as I get paid. I’ll definitely let you know how it works. Stay tuned to this Bat Channel for future updates. Hopefully I can snort my way out of panic attacks — legally!

What I meant to say was:  I hope that I will be able to alleviate any future panic attacks by wafting a bottle of the fragrant essence of orange blossom under my nostrils and inhaling deeply prior to driving on twelve-lane highways.

“Snort”.

What a word.

Pat