When I first read that the Canadian company Upaya Naturals provided online customers with raw food delights, I wondered what kind of idiot can’t just buy a raw carrot from the local food store and eat it.  Even if you are a shut-in, local stores deliver, so where is the market for Upaya Naturals?

Silly me. Upaya Naturals provides online shoppers with hard to find, all natural, vegan cheeses and ice creams that actually taste good while providing lots of nutrients.They arrive on ice to your very doorstep, where you can be waiting, crackers in hand, or spoon in fist, in eager anticipation of the yummy, delectable treats that are being delivered to your home. 

Cashew-based Ice Cream. It tastes like dairy ice cream, without the guilt.

If you find the wait too exciting, be sure to order aromatherapy essential oils that calm the nerves, and smell divine.

Get all of your favourite blender recipes at the ready also. Upaya Naturals carriesVitamix and Blendtec blenders, the cadillac of blenders/juicers on the market today. You can prepare bread mixtures, and soups, as well as smoothies and ice creams, without having to fiddle with numerous attachments. Push a button and you are off to the races.

The Vitamix Deluxe 5200 is touted as the best blender on the market, but the following videos offer conflicting evidence in this regard. You can also buy Vitamix at your friendly neighbourhood Costco store, if interested. You can save yourself the shipping fees that way, as they are presently on sale, and therefore cost the same as ordering from the company online. Ask for a demo before you buy.

The Vitamix Blendtec Kitchen Aid Challenge. You decide. The facts in these two videos conflict. Kitchen Aid is far less expensive and appears to do the trick.

The Vitamix Blendtec Challenge. 

 Why pay for Blendtec or for Vitamix if Kitchen Aid is just as efficient, if not moreso?  And it’s half the price at $199.00 How do they all fare with breadmaking? We want more tests please, before we take a Vitamix home!

Upaya Naturals also carries Superfoods, Greens etc. that are vegan-friendly. Power up so that you will have th strength inyour arms to lift that spoonful of healthy cashew-based ice cream to your lips, over and over again. After all, you have many delectable flavours to try. You need muscle mass.

So please, do yourself a favour and check out Upaya Naturals’ website.

I can hardly wait to try the cashew-based ice creams. I have never tried them before, but everyone says that they are great. I know that there are some almond and soy-based ice creams that are out there these days that are absolutely delicious. I wonder if the cashew-based ice creams give them a run for their money?

And don’t forget to brush your teeth! Yep. Upaya Naturals carries healthy,  flouride-free tooth cleansers also. And skincare products. And the kitchen sink. Okay, everything but.

Speaking of the kitchen sink. Upaya Naturals carries one of, if not the best, water filtration systems on the market today: Wellness Kitchen S-III Filtration. This countertop water filtration system can also be easily mounted under the sink with the purchase of an adapter kit. What is most wonderful about this Wellness filtration system is that trace mineral that we need for our health are added back to the water supply after filteration has occurred. If you are concerned about pharmaceuticals, heavy metals and fecal matter making it into your drinking and bathing water, this filtration system will give you the quality of water and the peace of mind you need.

Unless, of course, you enjoy all those pharmaceuticals in your water!

Perhaps we could just bottle it and sell it ourselves to those chronics residing in families that have purchased water filters.

Hmmm.

Just an evil, entrepreneurial thought.

Pat.

These Greek men are actually all over 65 years old.  Blue longevity zone living.

You believe me?!

What are you, a Cretan?

Tee hee.

There is a new product out on the market these days called Greek Island Lab’s Natural Joint. It is not a new kind of pot, like many of you might have hoped.

Okay, like I might have hoped.

It is not made out of the joint bones of Labrador Retrievers who met an untimely demise while vacationing with their owners in Crete. I know that this is what most of you were thinking, but you were wrong.

Greek Island Lab’s Natural Joint is a blend of 37 fruits and vegetables that have been keeping Greek men and women lithe and limber well into their nineties and beyond!
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The good men and women of the islands of Crete and Ikaria have been enjoying better health and greater longevity than the rest of us for long enough. Apparently, their diet is the key to very few aches and pains, and amazing physical well-being. I think it is the red wine, myself, but I am willing to give this vegetable-fruit thing a try.

Google longevity medical or longevity reviews for more information on blue zones. Google blue zones too, of course, and watch Oprah on Youtube.

And if you like movies and lots of colourful pictures, then you will like the Natural Joint website. Dr. Mark Binette will give you a guided tour of the research and benefits of each of the ingredients found in this formula. Well, almost. He leaves out a few ingredients, possibly for proprietary reasons, or because he can’t count. You decide.

Of course, everything contained in the encapsulated form can be found in nature, and eaten in its natural state. Like the Greeks do.

So go ahead and eat these 37 items everyday, religiously.

Or agnostically.

Or simply drink a bottle of red wine, purely for the antioxidants, and gobble a Greek Island Lab’s Natural Joint capsule.

And a spanikopita. Spanikopitas are good.

And flaming cheese, as my once little son used to call Saganaki.

He was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, cheese and Sambuca-loving 6 year old pyro.

  Saganaki, alias, Flaming Cheese. Courtesy of lots of Sambuca. The Greek fried cheese dish that sounds Japanese and is made with Itlalian liqueur.

Since most of us cannot uproot and move to Crete anytime soon, Greek Island Lab has stuffed the entire Greek diet into capsules, sans meat, and shipped it off to you.

If glucosamine and chondroitin aren’t working for you, or if you are allergic to shellfish and sharks or don’t like killing crustaceans and cute little Great Whites, then this power-packed, vegan-friendly product could be your salvation. This product alleviates joint pain, strengthens joints and doesn’t spike your blood sugars like glucosamine.

So far, the reviews are great. Check them out for yourself at http://www.naturaljoint.com.

I’ll join you.

Opa!

And Oma.

Oh yes. Am I bad. That is Dutch – and German.

No wonder the Greeks smash their plates when they say it.

Get over the war, already, YaYa and Pappous!

Thanks to your healthy Cretan/Ikarian diet, you are probably the only ones still alive that fought in it.

Get in on the eternal youth and fitness action. Check out http://www.naturaljoint.com.

I don’t make a dime off this, so it had better be good.

Wait.

That didn’t come out right.

Pat.

Song sunscreen.

Alright. Who invented ultraviolet rays anyway, and what good are they? What bad are they seems obvious enough. They leave us with serious radiation burns and damaged retinas, followed by a good chance of developing cancer. Great planning there, gods that be. Psychopathic geniuses. Over-the-edge creators of destructive forces. WTF! Do you want us here or don’t you?

Regardless, we want to continue to be here since we are here already and don’t enjoy looking forward to the prospect of hiding indoors for all eternity, or to frying like bacon sizzling in a pan 30 seconds after we venture forth into the sunlight on our ozone depleted planet.

We need sun protection that works.

And chocolate.

We need chocolate.

And air conditioning.

So the chocolate doesn’t melt.

I am sure that all those African children forced into slave labour on cocoa plantations wouldn’t want their efforts to provide me with a perfect chocolatey treat to be thwarted by 45 degree Celsius heat.  And someone had better step up to the plate and provide those kids with UV  protection. Oh yes, and while they’re at it; an education, adequate food, clean water, clothing, housing, sanitation, and access and/or return to their families.

Fair trade or no trade.

Chocolate is too complicated. I’ll settle for apple juice from Ontario. And potato chips, from Ontario.

And suncreen and sunglasses from whoever makes the best, safest products on the planet. Sans slavery or child labour or evil commercial practices.

Who could this be?

I’ll let you know, as soon as I find out.

Apparently, the right amount of UV rays helps us synthesize Vitamin D. Vitamin D is thought to be essential for the growth of healthy bones and teeth and for the proper functioning of the thyroid. Too little can result in osteoporosis and breast cancer, as well as tooth loss and thyroid trouble. Melanin production is supposed to offset and repair the mild damage this correct amount of UV ray exposure causes.

UVA rays are just a visit from the anti-Christ. They cause deeper, nastier, radiation damage to the skin and the eyes.

UVB rays are the friendlier folks that help us make Vitamin D when they react with certain chemicals in our skin.

Sunshine Superman.

And Sunshine Superwoman!

And all of us in between.

But Sunshine Superman et al had better be wearing Sunshine Superman sunscreen, sunglasses, hat and loose-fitting long-sleeved shirt and light cotton pants over their Speedos if they want to escape Kryptonite poisoning.

Vitamin D is added to milk cartons and vitamin supplements in order to provide us with that bone-mass building boost without risking free, yet unwanted laser therapy from the sun.

I think we need to rethink that phrase, “sunny disposition”.

The sun obviously hates us.

Yellow is not mellow.

Which sunscreens are safe and effective? The Environmental Working Group, EWG for short, has published research on 258 sunscreens popular and available on the world market today. Only 40 of these sunscreens did not contain ingredients that were either ineffective or dangerous, or both. Please check out the list at their website, http://ewg.org/.   Or google ewg suncreen.

The EWG is a stand alone organization that depends upon donations from you, the public, in order to fund its very important research. Their aim is to keep everyone safe from commercial greed and stupidity and financial desperation, any combination of which allows deadly and questionable materials to be utilized in cosmetics, foodstuffs, health care and beauty products. Please check out their site. You will be impressed with the vast amount of information they have provided on thousands of products that we use every day — and often shouldn’t.

The EWG even notes which companies have been using animal testing and which ones are not. The EWG does not condone animal testing.

Good for them.  The EWG sunscreen safety list is a godsend.

It’s a dog’s life. EWG sunscreen list rocks.

I am currently researching the ethics utilized with regard to treatment of workers employed at the various green-lighted companies, so that we can be sure to promote companies  that are attempting to provide proper wages and safety conditions for their employees, as well as excellent products for consumers.

Ditto with regards to sunglasses manufacturers.

Please note that sunscreen should be applied once every two hours regardless of its SPF rating. Higher ratings are supposed to ensure that one can stay out in the sun longer without turning red, but this has not proven to be the case. And if one does not turn red, apparently, UV damage can still take place. The delayed appearance of redness can indeed be contributing to long-term UV damage, by lengthening the amount of time people stay out in the sun.

That’s just great.

From personal experience, kukui oil works amazingly well. Not only does it heals burns and scarring and get rid of little age lines, I did not burn once on a trip to Hawaii after I discovered and used this local product prior to venturing out into paradise. I have no idea as to whether I have suffered long term UV damage, but I do know that I burned to a crisp the first day in Hawaii, when we went to Waikiki Beach. I was only frolicking in the water for a few minutes and was lobster red. I applied aloe vera, which usually does the trick for me, both as a sunburn preventative and as an after burn fix, if I had not had the opportunity to apply anything before venturing outside.

The aloe vera did not work at all this time. One of the lovely locals told me about kukui oil, so we all gave it a shot.

Kukui nut

Kukui oil is a miracle from heaven. It is full of vitamins A and E and other goodies that a great for the skin. And it truly stopped us from burning. We were in Hawaii for two weeks. I would put some kukui oil on before swimming and after I got out, or once every two hours if I was swimming any longer than that, or hanging around on the beach. We went on a whale watching expedition on the Big Island of Hawaii, and kukui oil kept us from burning under the glaring sun.

Take it from me; kukui oil could be the friendly, god-given product that you are looking for.

Well.ca and Amazon.com  and Herbal Remedies.com all carry excellent kukui oil products. I just use plain kukui oil because it did the trick for me.

Why mess with perfection? 

Macadamia nut oil is supposed to be really good for the skin also, and some brands offer a combination of the two oils, as well as grapefruit seed oil and lavender essential oil. Lavender oil is used to treat skin burns and as an antiinflammatory. Grapfruit seed oil is used  in massage oil to break down cellulite.

For  a review of excellent sunglasses, and why they are excellent, please check out my sunglasses blogs at this website, Over The Hill Health Matters. Right here. Simply go the the Categories section and punch up Vision. It’s easy. You can do it. It’s a lot easier than me writing it all over again, when nothing has changed with regard to the information available on sunglasses, except to warn you that some inexpensive sunglasses have been found to be better than some very expensive ones. None of the styles in the brands that I have noted are bad for anyone. Just make sure that you get as much protection for the side of the eye as you do for the front, and all will be well if they are graded as at least  UPF 400. This means that you need to buy sunglasses that have wrap around lenses or very wide temple arms, or both. Opting for stylish but stupid isn’t going to matter too much to you or your fans if you go blind, now is it?

Think smart.

Don’t be a tart.

Getting ready for the beach. Leaving the mud mask on.

Forget bringin’ sexy back, boys and girls. 

Get those godawful goggle wrap arounds. Wear that goofy, wide-brimmed hat and those baggy cotton pants and top. Lather your face with thick viscosity motor oil. It doesn’t burn in engines, so it should protect you from the sun. Carry a giant umbrella. Wear gloves. And oh yes; always wear socks with sandals.

I guess the extremist Muslims are right: buy a burqa and wrap around sunglasses, or stay indoors.

Song sunscreen

That goes for you men too! Unless you prefer the balaclava/sunglasses look.

But then you will be shot as a thief or a terrorist.

Better to be a boy in a burqa.

Song sunscreen. (traffic generating phrase)

Actually, try out some of the latest sunscreen clothing on the market today. SunSoul UV Protectant Clothing, brought to you by The Freedom Store.ca.

Pat.

No. You cannot order drugs directly to your home from this site. Shame on you for the thought.

I did not have that thought.

But you can get the straight goods on many medications used on the market these days. And thank the gods for that.

Including Coumadin and Jantovin, generic name Warfarin, misspelled warfrin, alias rat poison.

I forgot to provide this very useful link on my last blog, so here it is.  The Drugs.com website. With ooodles of information for you and me. Read it, print it, post it on your fridge and send it to your rat poisoned friends and relatives.

And be really nice, and even send it to those you hate. After all, witholding information that could save someone’s life is just like killing them. And you don’t really want to be responsible for purposely letting that bastard boss of yours drink that cranberry juice to wash down his Tylenol that you have been faithfully bringing him every day since you found out that he was on Coumadin and both are potentially deadly for rats like him. 

Like, since yesterday, when you read my post on Coumadin perhaps?

Do you?

I mean, send this link to your loved ones, and enemies, who are currently on a regimen of warfarin under the caring, watchful eye of their medical practitioner. If their caring, watchful eye is anything like my relative’s caring, watchful eye, they need this link to Drugs.com.

And trust your pharmacist. They know contraindicated drugs when they see them. Or they will run a check through their computer. Something doctors never seem to do for some strange reason.

OH! I remember; they are infallible. The knowledge comes to them by osmosis. Just like men will never ask for directions while driving. After all, their genetic makeup tells them that they should just know where they are going because they are men. Doctors should just know which medicines go together and which ones make a lethal cocktail when mixed with each other or with something innocuous like grapefruit or spinach.

Why remember to check out a patient’s chart every time, just to be certain, when human doctor memory can serve just as well. The track record of the entire profession, and the species, speaks for itself.

Not.

Check the charts, call a pharmacist, read. Just like the rest of us would do if we were in your shoes and trying to avoid a lawsuit. Or simply cared enough about each and every patient we had to do due diligence each and every time.

Not asking for directions when you are driving results in being lost, and at worst, being late. You are men. We will laugh at you. And love you just the same. Perhaps even more, since you gave us something to laugh at. I mean, about.

Not so Doctor Death. If you don’t ask for directions, someone gets hurt. And no-one finds unnecessary illness and possible death very funny except on House. And that is a television show.

If you are afraid to let anyone know, that you don’t know, and you have forgotten how to research this for yourself, perhaps you should go to Drugs.com too!  

Drugs.com. Your friend in need. If you notice a discrepancy between what you are taking and what these people say you should be avoiding, please take this information to your pharmacist for a second opinion, and then to a doctor that you can trust to be your advocate, not your negligent, homicidal medicator.

Take care.

Pat.

Hey, Sheila! Doesn’t this guy look like he could be Scott’s heavier brother?

Emily Isaacson, a certified naturopath from the Xa:ytem First Nation of British Columbia, has designed The Rainbow Program. Six small meals a day as opposed to the more usual three square (plus elevenses for we Hobbits).

And Rainbow is not just a cute name. Rainbow refers to the fact that if you select one serving from each of the food colour groups each day, you will be providing your body with a completely balanced intake of vitamins, minerals and other nutrients such as antioxidants, in the correct amounts to boost your metabolism, slim down, and stay energized and become mentally sharp.

If you choose a starch from one of the colour groups, for example, you would balance that out with a choice of a protein from another colour group, and a fat from yet another group. Each of the six small meals must cover one of the colour groups not included in the other meals. Fruits are taken away from other foods in order to aid in effective, non-overtaxed digestion.

Apparently, this colour-coded culinary approach works like a charm.

Eat losing weight. (Necessary keyword phrase for the search engines, folks. Gotta do it.)

Please check out Ms. Isaacson’s successful, delightful, and extremely colourful nutritional program at the following URL: http://www.therainbowprogram.com/. Eat losing weight. (Keyword phrase necessary for traffic. My apologies.)

Also check out the Xaytem Healing Program and Xaytem Longhouses. Perhaps you will find this path to health is just for you!

Just think of the fun we could have with colour-blind people.

Yes.

I mean, no.

Pass me a carrot.

And some avocado.

And some nachos?

Fine. No nachos.

Chips? No chips.

cheeburger, pepsi, coke, no pepsi

I miss you John Belushi.

But I don’t feel like joining you anytime soon, so I’ll try the Rainbow diet.

And oh yeah; eat losing weight.

Bad grammar brings big traffic. New online mantra. It’s the only way I’ll get used to the use of keyword inserts.

Pat.

A friend of ours from the Toronto film community died the other day at the age of 37. She was a driver in the transportation department who took a job outside of the industry driving a truck up north. Ashley was bobtailing, as they call it — driving a rig without the trailer. She went over the crest of a hill and smacked right into one of two trucks that were stationary on the other side. Just over the hill. Ashley died instantly.

It was night time.

No flares, no flags, no warning. Equals dead.

Please be prepared for emergencies on the road. Flares can save your life, or someone else’s if your own doesn’t matter to you. Electrical system failures can leave you dangerously in the dark, in the rain, in the fast lane. I know this first hand, as it happened to me. Fortunately, I lived to tell about it.

Whether you like that or not.

Ashley had a lust for life and adventure. I am certain that each of you do also. I haven’t got a life, or I wouldn’t be spending all my time researching and writing this blog.

Just kidding. Of course I would. I’m a ham and I need an audience, and I like to empower people whenever possible. Especially you.

Buy an emergency kit for your vehicle. That means flares, triangles, fire extinguisher and first aid kit and extra windshield washer fluid. And no, that is not overkill. Truck or Austin Mini, dead is dead if you cannot be seen in the dark, or your car catches on fire, or you can’t see out of your windshield.

Improve or maintain your night vision with Bilberry. Bilberry also aids in the prevention of glaucoma. It actually reversed my friend John’s glaucoma. Nothing short of a miracle, but entirely true. You can pick it up at Well.ca and Herbal Remedies at the best prices on the internet. If you find better quality and prices, please let me know. Check out my blogs on glaucoma for more information regarding this condition and what you can do to prevent it.

Anti-glare glasses are also very helpful for those who have difficulty dealing with the lights of on-coming traffic at night, especially in the rain. You can get clear lenses treated for glare prevention if you do not usually wear prescription lenses, or add anti-glare treatment to your regular glasses.

The College of Optometrists does not recommend the use of any so-called night vision tinted lenses or windshields, as these impede night vision, not assist it as they are purported to do.

Bach flower remedies are also good to have on hand. They really do work for many people. Remedies are available to waft under the nostrils of people suffering from shock. They truly can have a calming effect. Check them out at Herbal Remedies.com and Well.ca. Click on the Well.ca icon below.

Safe driving.

Pat.

My eyes are dim, I cannot see. I have not brought my specs with me. I have naw ot brought my specs with me.

That’s because I do not carry a purse and the glasses case is too bulky for my pocket.

I want folding reading glasses! Half-eye folding glasses, actually. I am always looking up and around from whatever it is that I am reading, whether it be momentary, or my nose pressed into a book for hours at a time.

I must look around. And I always pay for it.

Bam

My eyes are smashed by an evil focal point.

Knives-in-my-eyes.com. My new URL.

I believe it’s taken, actually.

“Be near-sighted, goddammit! Don’t try to look past your paperwork.”

I don’t wear my glasses when I should because I keep hurting myself. And because they are never with me.

Half-eye lenses are actually harder to find than folding reading glasses. Eye Bobs dot com has a lot of cool and funky styles, but only one half-eye lense frame, as they call it. Lots of folding glasses, though. But they do not have half-eye lenses in them.

I hate you Eye Boobs! I mean, Bobs. You were to be my funky cool internet saviour. But nooo.

Not much else out there in Webville. So I guess I’ll just hit the local mall and see what’s in-store for me there. Get it?

Remember, always get your eyes checked by a qualified physician. Your opthamolgist knows best. Just buying reading glasses from Walmart without getting a thorough eye examination can result in eye conditions going undetected in their early stages.

And we don’t want that.

Eye Bobs‘ frames are fully compatible with prescription lenses, so punch in the URL and check out this fun sight.

I mean site.

I want folding half-eye lense glasses.

Wah.

If you know where I can find some, please let me know.

Thanks!

Pat

Then I’ll put some clothes on.

I’m sure this image will help you all stick to your diets!

See; I’m always thinking about you.

I have only begun to wear reading glasses this year. I just can’t see the tiny print on small bottles. Being in food service, I can’t not know what ingredients are in the dishes that I am making.

As I have mentioned before, I work in the Toronto film industry. Once a certain continuity lady on set asked me whether  the brown rice and a million vegetables and cashews and cheddar cheese risotto had any red peppers in it. “Why, no,” said I. “Great”, she said, “because I break out in hives and then my throat closes down and I have to be rushed to the hospital.”

I take the finished dish out to the crew craft table amid the myriad of condiments that have been placed there at an earlier time. I return to the truck, but I keep getting a nagging feeling that all is not well in risotto land, so I go back on set to check things out.

Here is the continuity lady sprinkling some pale red spicy-looking stuff on her risotto. I grab the container after she has finished and run to find enough light to read the ingredients, begging her not to taste another morsel until I get back with the verdict.

I cannot read the infinitismally small writing and need to find someone who can.

That was no-one.

The type-face was so small that we had to find a guy with coke-bottle lenses and borrow them.  Does Emily listen and stop mowing down risotto a la hives?

No.

Is the container full of dried red pepper, and only dried red pepper?

Oh, yes it is.

Do I tell her this and advise that she stops eating it immediatement and get ready for a free trip to the nearest hospital?

Yes, I do.

Does she listen?

No.

I was going to say “of course not,” but  the answer really isn’t “of course not”. If you were deathly allergic to red pepper, and you accidentally ate a ton of it because it didn’t look like any rep pepper product that you had ever seen before, don’t you think that you would stop eating it, freak out in circles and grab the nearest person by the throat and demand to be taken to the hospital for a shot of some epinephrine or whatever because you were so stupid that you didn’t carry an epi-pen with you? I think the odds are quite high that you would.

This woman ate another entire bowl of red pepper-laced risotto.

“Was that wise?’ I asked, cooly, but incredulously. “It’s delicious! I’m sure I’ll be alright!”

There are times when “delicious” and “alright” are not copacetic. Usually when one has a deadly allergy to something yummy. One does not usually eat something that one does not find delicious. Hence the danger of delicious-tasting deadly food.

We were filming and the room was velvet black. I left under this cover of darkness, retreating to my truck in order to regroup my thoughts — and my nerves. Any moment now, that stubborn woman would require medical attention, clutching at her throat and pointing wildly with her other hand at the culprit risotto on the table. “Red pepper”, she would gasp with her last breath. Every one would remember that I had come running in and dashed off with Mr. Dash, or something just as suspicious. I had come back in with the same bottle and replaced it on the table. Then Emily had helped herself to more of this substance and poured it all over her risotto, as I had watched from the corner with terrified eyes. “Pat poisoned the spice bottle!” they would say.  “Emily was alright after the first bowl, but the second one killed her!”

They are film people, after all.

An obvious allergy and a person too stupid to not eat it or read a label before dowsing their food with their own personal death-bringer, would be the last thing to cross their minds. It is easier to blame craft service.

If the soup on the stove is hot, and they help themselves and drink it, they still blame us because it wasn’t at perfect drinking temperature.”Hey! This soup is too hot!” And the porridge. You guessed it. “Hey! This porridge is too cold! That’s because it is lunchtime Goldilocks and I’m using it as an ingredient in a cranberry oatmeal loaf for this evening.

No matter. Daggers shoot from everyone’s eyes at a craft person if something is not right on set.

“Hey! This light isn’t working! That’s because the craft person must have tripped and tugged it out of the wall.”

“Hey! This dress doesn’t fit the actress anymore! That’s because she ate too much food from craft service. I told them not to feed her, no matter how much she cries.”

“Hey, that guy just pushed all the shades off the edge of the truck! That’s because the craft person didn’t tell him the gate platform wasn’t down.”

“Hey! My stash is missing!”

That’s because this craft person gave it to the director, so he could function and get this shit-hole of a movie finished.

Kidding.

On the last part.

No-one takes personal responsibility on set if there is someone else to blame for their own mistakes.

Just remember; it wasn’t Craft Service, it was Locations.

As for Emily- which isn’t her real name; I had already informed a production assistant along route that someone was about to need medical assistance due to a previously unannounced food allergy. I had already ordered some allergy medication be sent to set. Short of dragging her out of her chair by her hair, there really wasn’t much more that I could do.

It has been my experience over the last ten years working in Craft, that film people also lie. A lot.  Let’s be nice and call it “taking creative licence.”

Emily did get hives, but the antihistamine worked like a charm. Had she been as allergic as she had said that she was, it would not have made a dent. She had eaten enough red pepper powder to kill a horse — with allergies of course.

She had not read the label, and neither had I. No-one could. So I have bought reading glasses so that I can read very tiny script.

Emily should too.

My reading glasses are okay, but I am on the search for fun and funky.

I’m checking out many sites to see what is out there in the online community. I’ll post my results tomorrow. If anyone has great suggestions with regard to this search for quality products at great prices, please let me know!

I’ll give your suggestions a go.

Pat

Ouch, that hurts.

But not as much as vision distortion or eventual blindness from not wearing any sunglasses at all.

There are some excellent sunglasses out there on the market these days, as anyone with a regular pay cheque probably already knows.

As I said before, ophthalmologists recommend sunglasses that cut glare, leave the colours looking as natural as possible, and protect you from the side (peripherally), as much as from the front, because UV rays do not differentiate. Having said that, aviator glasses remain one of the most popular styles for driving, and for pilots.

Check out Gargoyles brand sunglasses for excellent protection and styling.They rank among the best in the world. They carry Gargoyles Men’s The Steward Aviator Sunglasses which are bevelled aviator sunglasses, and many other excellent styles such as Gargoyles Men’s Shakedown Resin Sunglasses and all sizes. Most of their styles are more suited to men than women, however. Bolles are amazing also. Check out the stylish and safe Bolle King Sunglasses.

The founder of Bolle has come up with a new company recently, dedicated to sports goggles and sunglasses made with polarized lenses:

Haber Vision has top of the line products that are only available on the internet, thus cutting down on costs. The savings, as they say, are passed directly onto you and I — the customers. Love it. The styles are cutting edge, and there are plenty of choices for both men and women. Check out Habervision Dallas Sunglasses and the Habervision Newport Creme Sunglasses.

Smith is another name that is famous for excellent, protective and stylish sunglasses and sports goggles. Check out the bevelled aviator style of Smith Optics Serpico Sunglasses. And I like the cool Smith Optics Proof Sunglasses too. Smith has lots of styles for both women and men.

Dragon sunglasses are very popular these days with both sexes and all ages, and Ray-Ban are still the best sellers world-wide, but their site is anything but user-friendly. Check out the Dragon Riff, the Dragon Cage, the Ray-Ban Bubble Wrap Aviator Sunglasses and the Ray-Ban Original Wayfarer Sunglasses.

My son is a big guy, and often has trouble finding frames to fit his face. I know a lot of men that make my son look short and narrow. Gargoyle and Smith and Dragon make large-framed sunglasses and sports goggles that don’t distort your vision, and apparently can take a bullet!

Who thought up that test? GangstaLenses.com?

Polarized and mirror lenses are the best for cutting glare and the amount of light getting safely to your eyes.

Lenses that adjust their darkness in response to the amount of light available have been suspected by some ophthalmologists of possibly allowing in too many UV rays. These are referred to by a number of terms, such as polychromatic, polychromic, polarchromic, polarchromatic. Too much UV?

This is debatable.

I like to avoid debates if at all possible, especially where my eyesight is concerned. So true or not, I am sticking with the definite; dark green, grey or brown polarized lenses are the best multi-purpose colours for sunglass lenses. All the websites by schools of optometry touching on the subject say so.

Check out the University of Waterloo’s School of Optometry website as an example, if you like. Dr. Chou will tell you that if you suffer from or wish to prevent macular degeneration, cataracts and/or glaucoma from the potential damage of UV rays, wear wraparound sunglasses!

Choose your favourite style of bullet-proof sunglasses from Gargoyles or Smith. They are also crush and drop/scratch resistant. Haber Vision also makes extremely impact-resistant lenses, but whether their high impact resistance is of the calibre needed for a police officer in the field or an undercover narcotics officer, I do not know.

Of course, buying such excellent eye wear presents a bit of a catch-22. With this economy, the guy with the gun coming your way will probably be after the shades on your face.

In which case, he’ll aim for the leg.

Hmmmm.

Pat

The wrap-around style popular with hardcore cyclists are considered the best for blocking the evil and sneaky UV rays that like to launch an effective surprise attack from the periphery. The lenses should ideally be brown, grey or dark green, so as not to distort the natural colours while still reducing glare.

Apparently, if one is driving, orange lenses can make traffic light signals hard to differentiate. Since blood is not my favourite colour, I think I will do what I am told — on this matter

Every bevelled pair of sunglasses I have ever tried to wear, has resulted in a major distortion of my visual field that did not become too apparent until after I had left the store and was walking from my Craft truck to set, two or more blocks away.

Suddenly, upon stepping out of the truck, food trays in hand, the ground would rise up to meet me.

I felt like a 6 year-old.

I have been accused of acting like a six year old on more than one occasion, but I had never had the unexpected and untimely delight of seeing things from a three-foot-tall perspective in quite some time. Not that I mind the altered state (for free!) all that much, but I don’t want to be fired for being suspected of being under the influence of some illegal substance as I scramble to find my centre of gravity. There is also a certain loss of dignity that doesn’t appeal to me in the middle of downtown traffic.

I know; it’s a little late to worry about dignity now.

Shut up.

All sunglasses, with side visors or without, give me pink-eye. Something to do with not enough air circulation in front of the eye, I suppose. If anyone has a solution, please let me know. I don’t want anymore UV damage than I already must have after years of not being able to wear glasses or goggles of any kind for driving, swimming, working or sports, without getting good old pink-eye within twenty minutes of putting them on my face.

Speaking of pink-eye however; good old reliable Herbal Remedies.com has eye drops that work like a charm.

I would like to try Swiss Army brand sunglasses, just because the name sounds cool. They are advertised in a number of places, but just try to order any, and there, the dream breaks down. Now I want to get a pair just to prove that I can.

Not the ones all covered in leather. They look cool for an ex-airforce pilot that shoots baby lambs in his spare time, but not for me. I would like to hunt down and buy the new styles certain sites are advertising, but then, when you click on the site, no-one has the glasses.

Phantom Swiss Army glasses.

Neat.

The challenge is on.

Pat.